Gouda's Cheesewheel

Bundlecat

What happens when our house gets cold.

posted by Greta @ 8:07 PM 0 comments

ringu

My early Christmas present is an engagement ring. :)

posted by Greta @ 2:15 PM 0 comments

Angry time Part II

The other things frustrating me is the job situation.

Ironically, this is not because of my lack of job, but rather my sudden opportunity for one.

In a slap-dash effort, I applied for a job at Sprint on a tip from Jenn that they were hiring. First interview was less than inspiring, as they weren't hiring for a while. However, still jobless weeks or so later, I called them back to inquire, and warranted a second interview, or an assessment, whatever it's called. A background check and UA, and it sounds like the job should be a pretty sure thing for me.

This means I have to make a decision. Do I settle for a job I'm sure I can do, that pays not great, but fair, with decent benefits and so forth, and is a long commute from home? Or do I wait it out and just hope that something better falls on my plate, knowing it will require more of the thankless work of submitting applications, composing cover letters, meticulously searching job descriptions? Neither choice is the obvious one. On one hand, I'm tempted to take the Sprint job because at this point it looks like the path of least resistance (and a guaranteed paycheck come 2010). On the other hand, hindsight will be 2020 once I theoretically find my dream job...but then I can always quit...and making some money in the meantime is better than making no money while I twiddle my thumbs.

Plus, even if I do take Sprint and this turns out to be the best choice, there's nothing to say I won't end up as miserable as I was when I left RAAP. What good is steady income if it makes my life a living hell...

Hopefully this is exaggeration. There's no way I'll hate it that much...I hope. I've grown, and I understand what makes me happy in a job, so I'm going into this more informed than I've ever gone into a job before. I need to trust my instincts on this and stop worrying.

Mainly I'm concerned about the commute. Right now I reap a lot of joy from at-home time, and while I will probably appreciate it more when it is scarcer, if it is too scarce I will simply feel harried all the time, and feel that my job is consuming my entire life...but considering all the jobs right now seem to be a bit of a commute, there's not much I can do to avoid that, I suppose.

Yes, it seems this is the right thing to do...I just have this terrible feeling I'm not taking something into account, and I'm going to kick myself when I find out what it is too late.

There are other things frustrating me, but I have no energy to phrase them properly at this point.

posted by Greta @ 1:13 AM 0 comments

Angry time Part I

About an hour ago I got really frustrated with my life...more specifically, with the impending events of my life. And the choices I have to make. And the fact that they can't be easier. Ug.

I got frustrated with my "wedding," if you can call it that, and the fact that no matter what I do, someone is going to try to talk me out of it, or worse, simply remind me that "it's my day and I can do what I want," which I've determined is the most effortlessly supportive thing to say. I mean, yes, I CAN do what I want. I am physically capable of dumping the punch bowl onto my in-laws and mooning the best man, if that is what I choose to do. But is the point of my wedding to piss people off? Not really, unless they've somehow all managed to do something to deserve it, which so far, they haven't. So whatever I do at my wedding, I must be prepared to back up. And this stresses me out.

I'd love to be able to say "I wanted it this way, isn't it lovely/meaningful/unique?" but when it comes down to it, I don't know what on Earth I want. I didn't want to get married for the longest time, and the fact that I am sometimes feels like I'm selling out...to compensate, my inclination is to make my wedding as "un-wedding-y" as possible, to prove that I'm not buying this institution hook, line and sinker. Yet somehow I feel like this is a great opportunity to participate in a larger institution--an opportunity we're rarely afforded nowadays in our anomic "holiday tree" filled society, where you basically build your own institutions as you see fit. As much as I support freedom of choice, can't there be some things we all agree on? Can we all agree weddings are beautiful and worthy of celebration? No, of course not. Not when there's so much complexity to each relationship...when the parents disapprove of the new spouse, the grandparents think it's disgraceful to wear black, etc etc etc.

Gah. And so you see why I became quite enraged over the whole ordeal. No matter what I decide, it all comes down to the fact that until I find a word to use other than "wedding," people are going to pigeon-hole me and my big happy get-together. They'll assume I'm paying out my ass for things like catering and photography and a monstrosity of a gown I can only wear once. They'll assume I want to look like a princess, because ALL girls want to be princesses and have their men buy them sparkly jewelry to show off what a nice paycheck will be supporting the little Mrs. AAGGHHH. And what irks me most is that because these assumptions are built into the whole mess, I have to second-guess myself when I actually consider for a moment that a particular diamond ring is kind of pretty...or a fluffy cream-colored dress might be fun to play in for a day...and then I remind myself that the desire for these things is created, not innate, and all the people telling me to say "yes" to them are either trying to make a buck or confused about what my "wedding" is going to mean--that because it is a "wedding" it necessitates a white dress and a bridal party and a processional. Why?? Why does it need these things? Why does everyone (myself included) keep suggesting that I'll regret NOT having these things?? Why does it need to look like a "wedding" to accomplish what I want it to?

Honestly, I haven't entirely decided what I want it to accomplish, which is at least half my problem.

Decisions, decisions, decisions. And with every choice I make, they become simpler, and yet I feel more and more trapped into that little "bride" box...makes me want to exert another 20 minutes on the elliptical machine to the tune of angry Deftones music. Which didn't help a whole lot aside from taking the edge off a tad, by the way.

posted by Greta @ 12:31 AM 0 comments